What is a 'Character Property'?

Estate agents have always been very imaginative in their use of English and who can really blame them? We all do it, every job and profession has its own 'in' phrases and jargon. It's only really when that jargon impinges on the general public, who are not in on the joke, that difficulties can arise.  The joke is that those who use their  own jargon day in and day out actually forget that other people don’t.

A real character property, genuinely full of history.

If you read estate agents’ blurbs on Zoopla, Rightmove and the like, a ‘Character Property’ can be anything which isn’t obviously mundane. ‘Character’ seems to be a word used if the agent’s initial reaction on being asked to value/market a house is, ‘Ooh, it’s a bit weird! What on earth am I supposed to say about this one?’ A recent search revealed that a number of ‘character properties’ in one area on the south coast were in fact static caravans, which are not the ‘character’ buildings as recognised by English Heritage or most people with any experience of buildings - which is most people.

We've been looking for new home and office for a few months now and have learned that, if the ‘character property’ is described as “A beautifully presented Grade II listed period home situated within a conservation area close to local amenities,” you can fairly safely assume that it is Grade II listed and in a conservation area.

The rest is open to interpretation. For example, ‘Beautifully presented’ can mean the owner is an interior designer and has filled their house with the latest designer colours, curtains, furniture and gizmos (most of which they will remove when they sell), but it probably means that the place has just been whitewashed, it still reeks of paint and there’s a potted petunia on each and every windowsill.  

‘Local amenities’ could mean the house is in a lovely village with everything you need including butcher, baker, post office, surgery and candlestick maker. It could also imply the house is next door to the only pub in the vicinity which is frequented by the local Morris troupe who, far from being quaint, are notorious and rowdy drunks! I have met a few Morris dancers… 

I've met a few Morris dancers...

We all know that, in estate agent’s language, ‘bijou residence’ just means it’s tiny, but what about other favorite phrases? Here are a few I have recently come to understand:

Full of history – There is a dado rail, the plaster cornice hasn’t fallen down (yet) and the plumbing is all in lead. The damp is also historic, probably because there’s an old well beneath the floor.

Period Property – There is a chance, a slight one admittedly, that no DIY enthusiast has vandalised the period interior with incompetent ‘modernisation’. With a bit of luck it may not just mean the place has period 1970’s flock wallpaper and a purple bathroom suite.

Modernisation/Renovation required – This definitely does not just mean replacing that 1970’s wallpaper and the purple bathroom suite. Known in the profession as a money pit.

Some Redecoration Required - With a bit of luck this may just mean replacing 1970’s wallpaper and a purple bathroom suite, if you’re lucky. Often it means that the plaster, where it exists, is held on the walls with torn woodchip and masking tape and the kitchen needs total refurbishment.

Cash Buyers Only – Un-mortgageable. Definitely a money pit.

Easily Maintained Garden - Uneven concrete slabs, mostly of the popular stained and cracked variety, enhanced by broken pushchairs, brickbats and dog mess. And probably a rotting shed.

Extensive Gardens - You’ll need to pollard 16 poplar trees to get any light into the house, also factor in the expense of a sit-on mower and cow-proofing the hedge.

Small courtyard garden – It’s a light-well.

Spacious Penthouse Apartment – The service charge is astronomical and the block may have a ‘sinking fund’ – whatever is sinking, it won’t be those charges.

Reduced for quick sale – Nobody has viewed it, if you look at the few, sad photographs you’ll see why. Even the enthusiastic agent with the camera gave up on this one.

No onward chain – Somebody has died and the grieving (or furiously arguing?) family can’t bring themselves to remove ANYTHING. They may not get around to selling it to you either.

Allocated Parking – Accessible  via a very narrow back lane which is where the wheelie-bins live – all seventy-four of them. You may have to negotiate with the taxi driver who lives opposite and has four cars.

Spectacular Sea View – This can mean one of two things, either it’s on the edge of a cliff – the very edge – or it’s on the coast road and the sea is entering at every opportunity.

Sea View – You can see the sea, you might even be able to walk to the sea and breathe in the fresh sea air, but then you risk a heart attack walking back up that 1 in 3 hill.

Sea Glimpse – If you press your nose against the tiny window in the back bedroom and look between those grimy tower blocks, that tiny triangle of grey is probably the sea – binoculars may be required. If the blurb says Sea Glimpses, you are lucky to have this pleasure in more than one room.

Popular Residential Area – People live there. It’s a housing estate.

Up and Coming Area – People live there who you might not want as neighbours. It can also mean the agent currently has six properties in this street on his books, which he is anxious to move quickly.

Sought After Area – People live there and the property is sixty grand over-priced. Try the next street back.

Convenient Transport Links – Either the bus stops right outside and those on the top deck can watch you dress in the morning, or there is a railway line just over the fence.

Occasionally an ill-advised estate agent might say something which we think we understand, and which is the actual truth, but crucially is not the whole truth. A notorious example was a home in Chiswick, West London, which was apparently worth one and a quarter million pounds and was described as being located, “moments from beautiful open spaces” . In fact the house was on the main A4, which at that point was an impenetrable, six lane dual carriageway and about to become the M4 motorway. The beautiful open spaces mentioned were only moments away as the crow flies, but not for human pedestrians or even drivers.

The relevant legal statute until recently was The Property Misdescriptions Act 1991 (PMA), which theoretically meant it was an offence for developers and estate agents to make false or misleading statements when offering properties for sale. However, the PMA was repealed in October 2013, with governance passing to the existing, and more generalised, Consumer Protection from Unfair Trading Regulations (CPRs).

There were never a large number of prosecutions under the PMA; in the ten years between 2001 and 2011 the annual number fell from twenty six to twelve and as the CPRs is not designed to specifically cover the sale of buildings, it seems unlikely that this number will increase. Does this matter? Probably not. Most estate agents are just doing their job, like the rest of us, without any deliberate intention of grossly misleading the public.

So, when reading an estate agent’s eulogy on the ‘ideal character property’ it must be a case of not necessarily buyer beware, but buyer pay attention.  Any property purchaser who is concentrating on the task will not buy solely on price or the basis of an agent’s description. In particular, somebody buying the home they are planning to live in will usually need to rely on the assistance of other professionals, such as solicitors and surveyors and, above all, they will use their own eyes and common sense to judge the Character of the property they are investing in.