Four Years Blogging! To celebrate, here is my very first post... again...

The Curious Case of the Elephant in the Cabin.

(real fiction by Susan Gilbert)

There are ever so many brands of portable, modular buildings, O Best Beloved, and some of them stand on the banks of a great, grey, green, greasy river all set about with olive trees. And once upon a summer's day, or so the story goes, an ever so strong and well built, steel-framed module was being lowered ever so carefully into its desired position by an extremely tall crane, when an ever so enormous crocodile emerged from the grey, green, greasy waters of the great river.

Now the enormous, but rather shy crocodile was angry...

Now the ever so enormous crocodile was angry, because he wanted the river to himself, so he could bask on the green, grey, gritty sandbanks and catch the multitudes of fishes which swam in the grey, green waters, without being stared at, especially by the many, many people who would very soon come and work in all the modular buildings. For an ever so enormous crocodile, he was rather shy.

So, because he was rather shy, taking care not to be seen by the crane operator, or the ground crew, or the foreman, or even the baby elephant who had earlier crept into the module for his afternoon nap, the ever so enormous crocodile opened up his ever so powerful jaws. He grabbed the nearest corner of the suspended module and he began to pull.

Now every wise, wise man, not to mention every even wiser woman, who has access to libraries full of wise, wise books, knows that if you unexpectedly apply a heavy weight to one corner of a suspended object, something just might unexpectedly give.

And so the ever so powerful jaws of the enormous, but rather shy crocodile made the weld in the corner of the suspended module go PING! And the baby elephant, who we shall call Jimbo, because he was too small to be a true Jumbo, woke up with a start at the sound of the PING! Jimbo found that his once safe and peaceful cabin was swaying ever so scarily and tilting even more scarily. Jimbo called it a cabin because he couldn't spell the word module.

Now when Jimbo stretched out his baby elephant trunk to brace himself against the swaying and the tilting, he noticed that the lowermost corner of the no longer safe and peaceful cabin smelled ever so slightly of crocodile. Elephants notice these things and besides, his Gigantic Uncle Alphonse had warned him about crocodiles. Jimbo was therefore in a great hurry to reach the opposite, uppermost corner of the cabin, well away from the smell of crocodile.

Jimbo

As Jimbo scrambled upwards, the weight on the ever so well welded corners of the steel frame of the cabin became less unequal and the cabin began to tilt back towards the horizontal. The ever so enormous crocodile, who couldn't spell horizontal, unexpectedly found himself lifted vertically, straight up out of the grey, green, greasy water of the great river and he didn't like it. He didn't like to be vertical, crocodiles usually don't. He liked to be horizontal, even though he couldn't spell it. So he let go and with a great big splash (you must never say 'great big', O best beloved, because it is otiose) he fell back into the grey, green, greasy waters and submerged.

Of course this was when the cabin unexpectedly tilted in the opposite direction, sending poor Jimbo rolling and tumbling unexpectedly into what had once been the uppermost corner, far faster than he had intended. And as every wise, wise man, not to mention every even wiser woman knows, if you unexpectedly apply a heavy weight to one corner of a suspended object, something just might unexpectedly give. And as poor Jimbo unexpectedly reached the formerly but no longer uppermost corner at high speed, the weld in the corner went PING!

The crane driver could tell something had gone wrong, by the swaying. The ground crew could tell something had gone wrong by the tilting. The foreman could tell something had gone wrong by the swaying and the tilting and they had all heard the PINGS! So they lowered the now ever so slightly wonky module as quickly as possible into its desired position and they went to have a refreshing beverage, or two, and discuss their next course of action. Funnily enough, none of them had heard the great big splash, as the ever so enormous crocodile plunged back into the river, not to mention the rumbling as Jimbo tumbled unexpectedly across the cabin floor.

Gigantic Uncle Alphonse

Now poor Jimbo, who was only a little bit bashed up and much more scared than hurt, decided that the cabin was no longer the safe, peaceful place he thought it was when he had crept in for his afternoon nap. As you know, O Best Beloved, all babies need an afternoon nap, even baby elephants. So Jimbo left the cabin, through the now ever so slightly wonky door and he went in search of his Gigantic Uncle Alphonse, to tell him all about the cabin that swayed and smelled of crocodile and went PING! in all the corners.

And the crane driver and the ground crew and the foreman all spoke to the owners. And the owners called in lots of brilliant expertise. There were the wise, wise men, with their wise, wise books, not to mention the even wiser women with their clever, clever computers. And then there were the strict, strict officials, with their sensible, sensible rules and regulations, not to mention the brilliant, brilliant councillors with their deep, deep knowledge of all the laws in the land. The trouble was, O Best Beloved, none of them had seen Jimbo, or Gigantic Uncle Alphonse, or the ever so enormous, but rather shy crocodile. So they never could agree exactly what had happened.

But we know, don't we?
                                 
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                                                                                                                 (photos from ms clipart)